(no subject)

It's being one of Those Days. Just basically a continuatio of most of the weekend.

Just one of those times where it feels like no matter what I do it's somehow wrong, and that I'm a punching bag. (Figuratively this time and not literally). Not sure how true ti all is of course, because everything is colored by our own perceptions. But what do you do when someone you love is hurting, and stressed and being pushed too hard, so in turn their levels of frustration get taken out on you? When no matter what you say, what you do, what actions you take- you're going to hear about them. That's what I mean about being a punching bag. Angry with the world but unable to lash out there- but look, there's Anne, and what's that she's doing? Something that pisses me off... *sighs*

This of course gets tied in with the 'wrong' thing. Gaming this weekend was hard emotionally because of what poor Claire was going through. As the figurehead leader of the chantry (and yes dear Mighty, I'm going to keep saying figure head even though you get so pissed off at me for it.) she's supposed to at least give final approval to plans... however the poor girl was on a serious roll with being wrong. Every opinion she had all night was basically wrong, every supposition about what they needed to do was wrong.

Then there comes the questions on validation. Why is it that when I get upset I write it off as being tired, or cranky or hormonal? Cause that's what I was tempted to say, don't worry, this will pass, I'm just being hormonal. But doesn't that tell everyone not to worry about how I feel because it will all pass? I hardly think that's fair to me. Of course, I'm not very good about being fair to me. I suppose if I was I wouldn't end up feeling like a figuartive punching bag (hey, I've improved, not it's only figurative and not literal).

Just having a very sad and down day. No reasons given- I'm not just feeling hormonal or tired. I'm sad, feeling slightly hopeless on many issues, and rather pessimistic about certain aspects of my future. Also kind of angry, it's hard to explain but in a way it's kind of like when you read other people's responses to one of your friends and you get annoyed by what their saying because internally there's a part that just wants to tell them that they don't know. They don't really see, and they're certainly NOT getting the whole picture, and all they're really doing is enabling. Being slightly familiar with that sort of thing, it's easy to see it (or at least think you do). But you don't, because no matter how annoyed you get- you know that would be unfair and untrue. And that damn bit of your brain that hates unfairness just won't let you get anything out, except MAYBE a snarky comment from time to time and that same part of the brain is yelling at me right now.

Usually I listen, but like someone else I know, right now I just don't care about other people's feelings. The snarky bit wants to know why I should care when it's so obvious that others don't. If they want to yell and be angry with me- I should at least have the right to complain about it in my own online journal.

I should probably end here, and get out the flame retardant clothes and prepare for the worst.